The High Road

I took the high road.

I expected it to play out like this, but it doesn't mean I wanted it to end this way. I more or less ended any notion of a future with her. She had ghosted me. What else was I to do, I figured she'd never answer me again anyway. So I chose to not be the coward. I could have been really petty. I normally am, but I liked her. It's a real fucking bummer. I told her that I think we had taken this as far as she was willing to go (implying that I wasn't ready to end it, it was more or less her doing). I stated that all relationships, whether new or old, are all about communication. It's so important. If the communication is not there, it will all fall apart. I went on to tell her that I hope she finds someone that makes her want to communicate better. I hope that her goals work out and that she finds happiness. To my utter not surprise she never replied.

It wasnt really serious. We were only talking for a month but I took to her right away, which is somthing I have never done before. But we had alot of similarities and common interests.I saw something when I looked at her picture. She looked lonely. I mean she was smiling and cute but there was something that I caught when I looked into her eyes. I saw loneliness, like she and I both understood that pain.  We were vibing for weeks. I did notice her texting patterns were strange. 5 minute to 48 hrs to respond to simple messages. At first they were close but as time went on they spread to hrs to days apart. She wouldnt meet due to corna virus and getting her to stay on topics became difficult as days passed between conversations. It ended before I could ask to call or video message her. I just figured that since I'm not good with communicating that I would eventually mess up and ruin what we had through text. So I wanted to mix it up more. But hey I still fucked it up anyway. 

I really could have been an asshole and did some mean spirited things but I feel we were both at fault. This is all my side of the story. I wish I knew her side, she probably thought I was a loon. Not knowing all the details is really gonna bug me.  

Throwing myself out there was tough. But now all I am is just sad. I just I knew if she even gave a shit.