It Scratches

Like I have said before, It's always there.

That feeling, that empty hole never goes away. There are moments that I lock it behind a door. Sometimes you gotta hide it around others, blending into the crowd becomes easier. It has to be done, who would even understand me If I didnt. I have become so used to it that it creates a whole new problem. Others who begin to know me think im some way, while really all I have become is fake. I have observed and become what is conceived as "normal" or "fun". This makes me seem out of character at times do to my lack of energy to maintain this "fakeness".

The stuff I lock away it always scratches at the door. I can always feel It. If you truly watch me long enough or can catch the small cues you will see me at moments, lose sight of the world around me. I become frozen in the moment, losing the mask I clench so tightly. The door opens for a moment. You can catch that emptiness in my eyes, before I remember where I am and I close that door and fix my mask.